humor

humor

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Dec 05, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Dec 05, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Dec 05, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.

Dec 05, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Dec 05, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.

Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.

Dec 03, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

Nov 30, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

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