humor

humor

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.

The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.

The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Jul 08, 2024 - Fabian Biese>

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